ok. right. lets see. an apology. this is going to be quite long so i know that the first lines of journals appear in inboxes so if you think you need an apology from me or you just want to read one anyway then here it is.




ok, before i say anything ill just say now, this is in all total seriousness. its not a joke. i need to apologise.


First of all, me just going away from deviantart. why? what was the point in that, really. i mean, how childish and immature can i be.
obviously very.
i wanted to just take a break from my laptop for a bit just to well, in my eyes 'grow up' a bit. but i havnt done that. not at all.

all iv done is gotten worse.
i think i know a few people who will agree with me on that too. so, to people that read this and people that dont, and people that iv upset who dont even HAVE a deviantart account. im sorry. for being a total bitch. i know people only try to give me thier advice to help me and all i do is ignore it and throw it back in peoples faces. and they dont deserve that. not at all.

i am especially sorry to . i had no right to have a go at you like i did. i know it's too late now and it wont mean anything but i am so sorry. really i am. and you have every right to hate me. Your right, about what you said about me being stubborn. and all i can say is that i am sorry.

erm, someone who doesnt even have a deviantart account and probably doesnt even know about it but im writing apologues so i may aswell add him in it aswell. even though...again, iv left it a little too late to apologise. but im sorry to him for coming across as being ignorant. it really was just shyness. but i know, now iv thought about it al, that it definatly came across as ignorance. and i hope you find someone whos worth your time

friends from my old college thats and i apologise to you too. for not telling you that i was planning on leaving before i actually did. and for all those times where i just seems like a real spineless coward that you wanted to stamp on.

friends from my new college that iv ever snapped at, they dont have accounts on here. because when i started ther i thought that, if i came across as being cold and uncaring and fierce, then people wouldnt walk all over me. and they havnt, thats true enough but now people see me in a way i dont want them to. so while i wasnt coming across as a doormat like i used to. i came across as not nasty as such (i hope) but just, standoffish. so. i am sorry to my friends at my new college for still putting up with me even though iv made myself look like a bitch.

and thank you to for being the slap in the face i needed to see what a total bitch i have been to everyone.
and im sure a lot of people would like to be slapping my face right now, of course i dont blame people for that either. you really dont know how ashamed i am at myself for being like this with everyone.

and i dont expect anything from anyone either. i dont expect people to take my apologies but they are there all the same. and of course i have reasons as to why im even behaving like this, but i really dont think im in any position to defend myself.